was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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