Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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