i permit you to call me
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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