Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
