I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
