remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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