dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
