u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Who died my cat blue again?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
