I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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