Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
