hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
