I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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