walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize