This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
