I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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