just come out here and I will go home with you...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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