he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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