why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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