I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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