There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
