made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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