1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize