Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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