my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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