making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
