i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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