Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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