just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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