Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
