Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
