well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize