Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
