I think I won the penis lottery.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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