I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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