How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
