Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
