the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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