between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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