i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
