Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
