the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
