Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Two words: nipple clamps
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