What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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