i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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