also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
