She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
