I wannas sexs uuuuu
Tell her she can't have a vagina
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
