3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
