The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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