Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
