I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
handjob tips. give me some.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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