Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
