I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
