just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
