doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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