oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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