Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
did i just pee glitter
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
