we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize